Best Books That Will Help You Feel Secure in Relationship
Do you always feel jealous when other people spend time with your partner?
Are you a little needy or dependent when it comes to love?
Are you constantly doubting if you are good enough for your partner?
If you are always worried that your partners may leave you one day, this may cause a strain in your relationship. Over time, you lose trust with your partner and your partner will sense it.
Our insecurity in love and relationships is a result of our childhood. Below are books on overcoming insecurity.
Not only will they help you feel more secure in relationships, but some of them also help you figure out your attachment style. This will help you understand why your partner behaves so differently from you.
Bonus: My Book on Overcoming Insecurity in Relationship
Note: The way I look at my books will never be the same as the way I look at other books, so to be fair I rather keep them off the list.
Reconnect to Love by Yong Kang Chan
When you are insecure in relationships, you often feel lonely, jealous, and clingy too.
You always feel disappointed in your relationships because you are attracted to people that are distant or emotionally unavailable. You yearn for deep connection with them but they don’t give you enough attention and care. That makes you feel rejected, abandoned, and lonely.
Instead of constantly seeking others to fulfill your need, in this book, we learn how the practice of solitude can help us feel more complete and whole. When you learn to reconnect to the love that is always available to you from within and feel secure on your own, you will naturally feel less insecure with others.
10 Best Books on Insecurity and Overcoming Anxiety in Relationship
Disclosure: Please note that the links below are affiliate links. I will earn a commission if you decide to make a purchase, but it will be at no additional cost to you.
1. I Need Your Love – Is That True? by Byron Katie and Michael Katz
This best-selling book explores a dilemma we all have: gaining love and approval in our relationships. The quest for approval and love can be exhausting.
This book takes a close look at what works and what doesn’t in the quest for love and approval. Through a series of exercises, examples, and activities, you will understand your own ideas about love and approval and find what works for you.
If you want to be happier in love and more effective in all your relationships, this book is for you.
2. Love Me, Don’t Leave Me by Michelle Skeen
This book addresses the challenges of dealing with insecurities and fears of abandonment in relationships.
The author combines acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), schema therapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to help you get to the heart of the fears and worries that are holding you back.
Through exercises designed to identify underlying fears and powerful tools, you will learn how to break the self-fulfilling cycle of mistrust and insecurity and start building healthy, fulfilling relationships.
If fears are keeping you back from the love you desire, read this book.
3. Insecure in Love by Leslie Becker-Phelps
Are you always clingy, needy or jealous when it comes to a relationship?
If you are worried, anxious or insecure about your relationship, this creates major problems in your relationship.
Our fear of abandonment is often developed in our childhood from our experiences with our parents. This book helps you understand your attachment style and break those hurtful relationship patterns you have developed since young.
If you are someone who struggles with relationship insecurities and attachment issues, this book is great for you. It offers practical strategies and tools which help you overcome your attachment anxiety and nurture the healthy relationship you desire.
4. Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Have you wondered why some people navigate relationships effortlessly, while you suffer?
It may due to your attachment styles.
This book discusses three distinct types of people in a relationship:
- Anxious people
- Avoidant people
- Secure people
Reading this book will not only help you figure out what your attachment style is, you can also learn more about your partner’s attachment style and why they behave a certain way towards you.
If you are in a troubled relationship, looking for love or feeling insecure with your relationship, this is the book to read. It will help you understand your partner and resolve any conflicts which arise from having different attachment styles.
5. Daring to Trust by David Richo
“Most relationship problems are essentially trust issues.”
Most people who are insecure in love have trust issues. And it’s not just trust issues they have with their partner, they don’t trust themselves or people in general.
This book helps you to develop trust in four different areas:
- Trust towards ourselves
- Trust towards others
- Trust towards life
- Trust towards a higher power
If you have problems trusting your partner or other people, this is the book for you. It will help you understand what trust is and how trust happens in relationship. This book is also ideal for people who want more intimacy in their relationship.
6. Anxious in Love by Carolyn Daitch and Lissah Lorberbaum
Healthy relationships require trust, respect, communication, intimacy and more. For someone struggling with anxieties and insecurities, sustaining a healthy, satisfying relationship can be a challenge and leave a couple feeling disconnected.
This book offers tips and techniques to reduce anxieties and build communication with your partner. You’ll learn how to remain in the moment when conflict arises and work through the conflict successfully. This book will also help you connect with your partner and become more interdependent.
One of the highlights of this book is the inclusion of a section for the non-anxious partner so that he or she can understand the dynamics and learn some new skills to support their partner.
This book is the most suitable for those who suffer from chronic anxiety.
7. If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure? by Carl Hindy, Conrad Schwarz, and Archie Brodsky
Do you find it hard to believe your partner’s love for you? Do you often wish your partner’s feeling for you was as strong as your feeling for him or her? Are you always seeking confirmation for love?
If so, this book is for you. Anxious attachment can easily become an obsession if not handled with care. This book helps you recognize your anxious behaviors and understand how these behaviors push others away.
With a collection of true-life stories, you will learn how to cope with uncertainties and choose partners who won’t make you feel insecure. If your relationships kept making you depressed and jealous, read this book and learn from other people’s mistakes.
8. Trust Issues by Jessica Riley
“There is nothing that will end a relationship faster than jealousy.”
Insecurities and worries that can undermine a relationship. Through a 10-step process, this book helps you to confront your thought patterns which influence your actions. It also offers practical strategies for challenging those thought patterns and choosing alternative behaviors.
This book gets right to the point and tackles the problem from the first chapter. It helps you differentiates between your thoughts and action. It also includes discussions about dealing with insecurities in relationships with special circumstances such as long distance relationships or when a partner has mental health issues.
If you want to rebuild trust and restore your relationships, this is the book for you.
9. Relationship Saboteurs by Randi Gunther
If you want a great relationship but find yourself engaging in the same negative, relationship-ending behaviors, then this book is for you.
Written by a respected therapist and writer at Psychology Today, this book offers a practical, seven-step model for overcoming relationship sabotage and building a healthy, lasting relationship.
You will learn the ten most common relationship sabotaging behaviors such as insecurity, needing to control and pessimism. Using the steps presented, you will also learn healthy new ways to deal with relationships.
The book is suitable if you want to find out what you are doing wrong in a relationship.
10. The Courage to Trust by Cynthia Lynn Wall
Once bitten, twice shy. When you feel insecure in love, it could be because of your past experience with love.
This book is about building trust with others and letting go of past betrayals, especially childhood trauma. Past betrayals if not dealt with properly, can lead to mistrust and loneliness. Imagine being in a relationship that you can’t trust your partner fully. Not only does this creates doubt and jealousy, you would never feel loved by your partner even when they do their best to love you.
If you want a more intimate and secure relationship based on trust, then this is the book for you. There are also exercises included in this book to help you reflect and develop trust.